I'm only human...

I had a nightmare the other night of a scene similar to this one here of me atop the back of my horse, G, in this exact manner and the thought hasn’t left my mind since. I had to get it out so here is what I came up with. Mind you this is "vent art" not some crazy suicidal mess, lol!

Depression is such a terrible thing. You can put on a happy face for so long before even it starts to wear you down to literally nothing. You start losing track of who you really are in trying to be someone you’re not just to conceal what you’ve become, I’ve done so much in fact I question if I can ever go back to the person I once was…or if I even want to anymore. You lose the will, honestly. I’ve lost interest in so much that I used to hold dear and enjoyable to me, and it saddens me greatly. I try seek out help in various ways, nothing works like it used to. And as the days go by I continue to fall farther and farther into this trapped abyss of nothingness that my mind’s prison has encased me in. Some might say “cheer up, you’re young and have nothing to be sad about,” or “just give it to God.” Believe me, I’ve exalted all efforts on those levels and little has done any difference. So instead I just take it one day at a time, faking a smile to those I care about as not to cause worry. I hold in thoughts that only I could begin understand, it’s a very lost feeling of desperation and knowing in your heart that not one thing can be done to stop or help it at all. I feel as though I am sitting back waiting for the rest of the darkness to consume me until I am no more.

All in all, I will always find the will to keep going on until I just can’t anymore, which if there is one thing I have, and that’s drive. I have people and reasons to keep going for. That being said, I do find it exceedingly difficult to live a normal life each without faltering with these cruel and sad emotions that prevent my heart and mind from fully being the person I so wish to be.

If you know someone with depression, please don’t disregard it, reach out to them. You never know, you may just change their life by doing so.
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Pain, G-Money, Image and artwork (c) Black-Heart-Always
Please do not use without my written consent